Faces in the Clouds

It’s quiet as I sit here at my desk, reflecting on the previous night’s decisions and the current day’s redemption. I’ve realized a pattern of thought in which I focus on my age and and wonder how much longer I will be able to justify things like drinking, eating shitty food, lack of sleep. I tend to focus on the things that need improving like my cardiovascular endurance, social interactions, wealth, relationships, and the general state of my room. Well I managed to go for a walk, do some pushups, deposit money, and clean my entire room today so that’s a start. I’ve known these bursts of inspiration to come and go so often to the point where I’m instantly skeptical of their arrival. Hey, over-thinker, quit making up all of this drama and sink into a better reality.

It’s easy to turn our perceived drama into the storyline for our life. I don’t like it though for the simple reason that we’ve taken away the only real power we have. Don’t allow these thoughts to convince you that they are insights. They are nothing more than highlighted text in a book, as if to say, “Hey, fix this shit before you do anything else.” I’m aware of how to improve these things, but there needs to be a reason why in order to turn momentum into ritual.

This evening I sat on the front porch and smelt the wet leaves. I watched the faces in the clouds and listened to the crickets chime as they faded into the fall’s new symphony. You can feel the Earth giving way to something new—something familiar but something new. Does the pilot still see the faces in the clouds now that he passes through them everyday? At last I’ll say, sink into the moment. What a shame it would be to miss the stars.

Get Out of Bed.

Don’t fall for the trap of comfort living on a king-sized bed floating over the ocean. There are many monsters below, just as there are many beautiful wonders. But you’ll never see anything if you just stay on your floating bed.

On the surface level of our anxious minds, we are like a flickering fluorescent light, unsure if we will shine again, Likely, we will keep flickering until we burn out. Perhaps burning out just means we’re meant to shine a warmer light somewhere else. It’s a heightened state of awareness and it’s not always easy, but it’s a gift.

It’s more than the worry of current and future relationships, or the regret of leaving a higher paying job for modest manual labour. It’s more than the comparisons to others, or waking up not sure if you’ve slept at all, or going to bed not knowing if you’ve been awake at all. It’s more than rushing out of the house in a panic in the middle of a winter night to try and catch your breath. It’s more than being immobilized on the couch, clutching your hands over your chest simultaneously fighting off and surrendering to a dark void.

This is consuming to think about, day in and day out. But what if we flipped the switch on this intruder? What if we made him start working for us instead of the other way around? What if we took this heightened sensitivity and wrote it out, in every beautiful and desperate word? This anxiety comes as a resistance to keep us from moving UP. Be brutally honest with yourself, because nobody else will be able to truly help you if you can’t help yourself.

See that THING you want to do. See that PLACE you wish to go. See that PERSON you already are. And know you are enough to start on this journey. The consequences of NOT doing this thing are far greater than doing it. We are more vulnerable in our day-to-day lives than we let ourselves think. We rely on the Earth to provide us with oxygen. We rely on other people to drive their cars on the right side of the road. We rely on there being electricity, food, and gasoline to fuel our lives. We are both creating and destroying the world, as it does to us. Beauty needs tragedy and love needs loneliness. Have faith in the good ahead.

 

It’s a mission worth every ounce of your blood and every moment of your attention. Keep at it. The good times are so nice.

 

 

Photo: https://www.pinterest.ie/pin/549368854516508062/?lp=true